CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE
Keith Gerner. BA
AUDIO VISUAL MINISTRIES. P.O. Box No 1
NEWCASTLE, Co. Down. BT33 0EP. N. Ireland
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Lesson No.10. DIVORCE AND REMARRIAGE
1 Corinthians 7: 10‑15
1 Cor 7:10 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord):
A wife must not separate from her husband. :11 But if she does,
she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. :12 To the rest I say this(I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. :13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. :14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. :15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. (NIV)
1.DIVORCE NOT THE PERFECT PLAN OF GOD
1 Cor 7:10 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. (NIV)
(a) The Lord Jesus clearly suggests that the wife should stay with her husband, as this was God's plan from the beginning
Matt 19:6 So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." (NIV)
(b) It is only through HARDNESS OF HEART that divorce was ever
contemplated
(c) In order to PROTECT THE WIFE (who would otherwise not be wanted back at home by her parents, who had paid her dowry) from living as a prostitute, God gave a PLAN:
(i) CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE
Deut 24:1 If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him
because he finds something indecent about her, and he
writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and
sends her from his house, (NIV)
(ii) FREEDOM TO REMARRY
Deut 24:2 and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of
another man, (NIV)
(iii) NO FREEDOM TO RETURN TO HER FIRST HUSBAND
Deut 24:4 then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed
to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would
be detestable in the eyes of the LORD. Do not bring sin
upon the land the LORD your God is giving you as an
inheritance. (NIV)
(d) Divorce was also allowed where the Jews SINNED BY MARRYING
FOREIGN WIVES
Ezra 10:4 Rise up; this matter is in your hands. We will support you, so take courage and do it." (NIV)
(e) Even God himself, threatened to DIVORCE HIS PEOPLE for their unfaithfulness
Jer 3:8 I gave faithless Israel her certificate of divorce and sent
her away because of all her adulteries. Yet I saw that her
unfaithful sister Judah had no fear; she also went out and
committed adultery. (NIV)
(f) RECONCILIATION IN MARRIAGE IS NOT ALWAYS POSSIBLE, BECAUSE IT INVOLVES THE WILL OF TWO PEOPLE AND NOT JUST ONE. Human freedom is real and God would not force Israel to return, but put pressure on her by allowing her enemies to triumph and removing His hand of blessing. God will never remove human freedom of choice and the consequences of it in judgement.
(g) PRAYER CAN BE MADE, which will allow GOD TO PUT PRESSURE ON THE SINNING PARTY TO RETURN through adverse circumstances; but the Christ must be careful of blaming God when their erring partner fails to return.
2. DELAY IS ESSENTIAL AFTER SEPARATION BEFORE ANOTHER MARRIAGE.
1 Cor 7:11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be
reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce
his wife. (NIV)
This allows for an effort to be made for reconciliation before the door is finally closed
(a) WHERE SEPARATION IS A RESULT OF FORNICATION, there is no
ABSOLUTE FORBIDDING OF REMARRIAGE
Matt 5:32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except
for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and
anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.
Matt 19:3. (Pharisees came to Jesus) . They asked, "Is it
lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?" :4
"Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator
`made them male and female,' :5 and said, `For this reason a man
will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the
two will become one flesh'? :6 So they are no longer two, but one.
Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." (NIV)
:7 "Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his
wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?" (NIV) :8 Jesus
replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your
hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I
tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital
unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.
(i) BELIEVER IS NOT IN BONDAGE if saved after divorce, where he
cannot be reunited with an unbeliever
1 Cor 7:15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing
man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has
called us to live in peace. (NIV)
(ii)Bible suggests a divorced person should remain single and does not recommend marriage to such a person. Over 75% second marriages by divorced people, fail again.
(b) A WOMAN IS FREE TO REMARRY WHEN HER HUSBAND IS DEAD
Romans 7:3 So then, if she marries another man while her husband is
still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her
husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an
adulteress, even though she marries another man. (NIV)
She is bound to him as long as he lives
(c) YOUNGER WIDOWS SHOULD REMARRY and rear children in the home to avoid becoming busybodies
1 Tim 5:14 So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children,
to manage their homes and to give the enemy no
opportunity for slander. (NIV)
(d) REMARRIAGE TO THOSE DIVORCED FOR OTHER CAUSES (eg
"incompatibility") THAN FORNICATION OR ADULTERY, is NOT COUNTENANCED IN THE BIBLE.
Matt 5:32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except
for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an
adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman
commits adultery. (NIV)
Matt 19:9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for
marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits
adultery." (NIV)
Luke 16:18 "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman
commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced
woman commits adultery. (NIV)
1 Cor 7:15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing
man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has
called us to live in peace. (NIV)
(e) Most Counsellors agree it takes ALMOST TWO YEARS TO WORK THROUGH THE TRAUMA OF A DIVORCE. The most common pitfall is PREMATURE MARRIAGE.
(i) The DIVORCE RATE for second marriages is much higher than the rate for first marriages, as a person needs to take MORE TIME TO PREPARE for a second marriage. They must also be careful not to go against the clear LAWS OF GOD
(ii) UNITY WILL BE MORE DIFFICULT a second time, because of memories and fears you bring to the second attempt, UNLESS THERE HAS BEEN A REAL DELIVERANCE and/or memory healing from the first experience.
(iii) YOU MAY NEED TO REDISCOVER YOURSELF before a second attempt is made.
3. DECIDE TO ATTEMPT TO GET TOGETHER AGAIN
(a) If your partner refuses to come together again, ASK GOD TO GIVE YOU STRENGTH AND WISDOM TO ACCEPT THIS
(b) KEEP THE DOOR OF RECONCILIATION OPEN ON YOUR SIDE, and pray God will continue to speak to your spouse
(c) SEEK TO BE EQUITABLE in all legal arrangements
ANN DIAMOND, a divorce lawyer, has listed the following situations, where emotions affect a fair settlement:
(i) REJECTED SPOUSE is unable to accept the finality of the
separation, and agrees to almost any demand of the other party, in
the hope of a reconciliation
(ii) WOMAN ACCUSTOMED TO HAVING HER HUSBAND MAKE DECISIONS, will
continue to look to HIM for advice, instead of seeking outside help
(iii) TRAUMATIC BREAKUPS leave the parties unable to make any
financial decisions
(iv) One partner USES THE CHILDREN to punish the other. You need
EMOTIONAL AS WELL AS LEGAL HELP in this case
(d) SEEK COUNSEL FROM A LAWYER, Pastor or friend in areas where you
have questions
(e) SEEK TO CONTINUE TO LOOK AFTER THE CHILDREN and NOT TRY TO WIN
THEM WITH BRIBES AND GIFTS
(f) BELIEVE GOD HAS A FUTURE FOR YOU
Jer 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD,
"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give
you hope and a future. (NIV)
God's plans for you are good, and if you are able to forgive the
past, God can bring a new marriage to birth for you.
4.DEALING WITH THE CHILDREN
1 Cor 7:14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through
his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified
through her believing husband. Otherwise your children
would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. (NIV)
(a) TELL CHILDREN THE TRUTH ABOUT THE IMPENDING SEPARATION. Do not try to lie to protect them. Eventually they will learn the truth and their CONFIDENCE IN YOU AND IN GOD WILL BE SHAKEN. You must love in deed and IN TRUTH
1 John 3:18 Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but
with actions and in truth. (NIV)
(b) FIND OUT HOW THEY FEEL ABOUT THE OTHER PARTNER and try to inform him or her of the way in which the children can be helped over this problem, by POSITIVE ACTION. Treachery and using one against the other, is attacked by God:
Mal 2:15 Has not made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his.
And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So
guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with
the wife of your youth. (NIV)
(c) THE CHILDREN ARE THE REAL SUFFERERS. TRY TO ALLEVIATE THIS.
Friends, relatives and the Church need to help the children of
divorced parents. Let the LOVE OF GOD AND HIS PEOPLE MINISTER to the hurt children
Matt 10:42 And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of
these little ones because he is my disciple, I tell you
the truth, he will certainly not lose his reward." (NIV)
Matt 18:6 But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe
in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large
millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the
depths of the sea. (NIV)
Matt 18:10 "See that you do not look down on one of these little
ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always
see the face of my Father in heaven. (NIV)
5.LET THERE BE A DESIRE FOR PEACE
1 Cor 7:15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing
man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has
called us to live in peace. (NIV)
There is a need to DEAL WITH BITTERNESS and the Bible forbids
STRIFE.
Prov 17:14 Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the
matter before a dispute breaks out. (NIV)
Prov 25:8 do not bring hastily to court, for what will you do in the
end if your neighbour puts you to shame? (NIV)
Phil 2:3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in
humility consider others better than yourselves. (NIV)
2 Tim 2:24 And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must
be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. (NIV)
Matt 5:9 Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons
of God. (NIV)
CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE
DIVORCE AND REMARRIAGE
1 Corinthians 7: 10-15
Keith Gerner BA
1.DIVORCE IS NOT THE PERFECT PLAN OF GOD.1 Cor 7:10
(a) Lord Jesus suggests two stay together. Matt 19:6
(b) Divorce only a product of HARDNESS OF HEART
(c) God gave a Divorce plan to PROTECT THE WIFE:
(I) CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE. Deut 24:1
(ii) FREEDOM to remarry. Deut 24:2
(iii) NOT ALLOWED TO RETURN TO FORMER HUSBAND.Deut 24:4
(d) Divorce allowed where Jews sinned by marrying foreigners.
(e) God threatened to divorce own people for their unfaithfulness.Jer.3:8
(f) Reconciliation not always possible as TWO people involved.
(g) PRAYER can put pressure on the sinning party to return
2. DELAY ESSENTIAL AFTER SEPARATION BEFORE SECOND MARRIAGE.V.11
(A) Separation based on FORNICATION allows of second marriage.Matt 5:32
(B) Woman free to remarryu when husband is dead. Rom 7:3
(C) Younger widows should remarry.1 Tim 5:4
(D) Divorce for anything else but fornication, not Bible backed.Matt 19:9
(E) Takes two years to work through Divorce trauma
3.DECISION TO ATTEMPT TO GET TOGETHER AGAIN
(a) If partner refuses, ask God for strength to accept this
(b) Keep door of reconciliation open on your side
(c) Seek to be quitable in all legal arrangements
(d) Seek professional help where you have questions
(e) Look after the children
(f) BELIEVE GOD has a future for you. Jer 29:11
4. DEALING WITH THE CHILDREN.v.14
(a) Tell children truth about impending separation.1 John 3:18
(b) Find out how they feel about the other partner. Mal 2:15
(c) Children are the real casualties.Matt 18:6-10
5. DESIRE FOR PEACE IS VITAL. 1 Cor 7:15