CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE.

CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE.

KEITH GERNER.

AUDIO VISUAL MINISTRIES, P.O. Box No1

NEWCASTLE. Co Down. BT33 Northern Ireland

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Lesson No 8 DISCIPLINE AND CHILD TRAINING

Our last lesson dealt with the Elderly, and now we come to the training of the young. Here we have:

1.GOD'S FORMULA FOR A SUCCESSFUL FAMILY

Prov 22:6 Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. (NIV)

This is a promise that the Lord will keep, since He is not a man to lie

Num 23:19 God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill? (NIV)

We must however, NOTE;

(a) Many parents want to embrace this promise to read " Train up a child and when he is a teenager, he will go astray, but eventually he will come back when he is old..." There is always a DANGER of interpreting Scripture in the light of OUR OWN EXPERIENCE.

Rather we should INTERPRET OUR EXPERIENCE IN THE LIGHT OF SCRIPTURE.

(b) The Hebrew original reads.." as he is growing older, he will not

depart..."

2.GOOD TRAINING IN LOVE AND DISCIPLINE.

(a) TRAINING INVOLVES DISCIPLINE AND INSTRUCTION.

When training a dog, you do not merely talk to it !

TRAINING A CHILD ALSO INVOLVES INSTRUCTION AND DISCIPLINE

Eph 6:4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. (NIV)

(Training = discipline) When parents do not balance discipline with Scriptural instruction, they will ultimately provoke their children to REBELLION. (A parent's discipline should not be based on personal opinion, as the 'teenager will always challenge this.) INSTRUCTION is the foundation of discipline and it must be based on THE WORD OF GOD.

(b) GOAL OF DISCIPLINE IS CORRECTION.

Any discipline that falls short of correction of a child's attitude and actions, is NOT CORRECTION. Discipline cannot be given by word of mouth only.

(i) Shouting parents are failing parents.

(ii) Dr Spock and many psychologists are against spanking children, and this has resulted in a generation of rebellious and irresponsible young people. In recent days Dr Spock and the psychologists have changed to tell parents to discipline and spank children !

The SCRIPTURE ADMONITION IS CLEAR.

Prov 22:15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of

discipline will drive it far from him. (NIV)

Prov 13:24 He who spares the rod hates his son (NOT "the hand") , but he who loves him is careful to discipline him. (NIV)

(iii) Discipline is the necessary RESPONSIBILITY OF EVERY PARENT, but discipline must be PROPERLY APPLIED.

3. THE ESSENTIAL ELEMENT OF PARENT AND CHILD RELATIONSHIP

(i) INSTRUCTION = What you say

(ii) INFLUENCE = What you do

(iii) IMAGE = What you are.

(A) Many parents mistakenly assume that Child discipline only includes instruction, by telling them what to do. Often, when this breaks down later, the parents ask " What went wrong ? I told him what to do." Instruction is only PART of the process, and often our actions contradict our words.

(B) Instruction MUST BE BACKED by INFLUENCE AND IMAGE. A mother may instruct her daughter about the importance of modesty, and yet dress immodestly herself, so that her image contradicts her instruction. This leave the child confused.

Fathers may well say : " Don't you dare smoke" and yet smoke or drink themselves. His actions contradict his instructions. IF OUR IMAGE CONTRADICTS OUR INSTRUCTIONS, the child will NOT FOLLOW WHAT WE SAY.

4. DISCIPLINE

(a) MEANS OF DISCIPLINE

Nowhere in the Bible are we told to punish a child with our hands.

(i) DISCIPLINE IN THE BIBLE, refers to using NEUTRAL OBJECTS

Psalms 89:32 I will punish their sin with the rod, their iniquity with flogging; (NIV)

Prov 10:13 Wisdom is found on the lips of the discerning, but a rod is for the back of him who lacks judgement. (NIV)

Prov 22:15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of

discipline will drive it far from him. (NIV)

Prov 23:13 Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. (NIV)

Prov 26:3 A whip for the horse, a halter for the donkey, and a rod for the backs of fools! (NIV)

Isaiah 10:5 "Woe to the Assyrian, the rod of my anger, in whose hand is the club of my wrath! (NIV)

1 Cor 4:21 What do you prefer? Shall I come to you with a whip, or in love and with a gentle spirit? (NIV)

(a) In the child's mind, your hand is associated with YOU. A rod is a "neutral" thing, which is NOT PERMANENTLY part of you.

iSA 28:21. The Lord will raise up...He shall be wroth...that he may do His work, his STRANGE work.."

(b) In order to communicate LOVE to a child, you have to TOUCH him, and psychologists even say that an untouched baby will die. TOUCHING with the hand, expresses love, so that the time you spend cuddling your baby is the communication of love to him. When the parent's hand turns against the child, you break the chain of your love and cause confusion in his mind.

(ii) THE USE OF THE NEUTRAL OBJECTS STANDS FOR THE SERIOUSNESS AND RESPONSIBILITY OF THE CHILD'S DISOBEDIENCE, rather than REJECTION OF HIM AS A PERSON.

(a) When parents say : " I spank and it does not work", they are usually referring to the use of the HAND. By impetuously hitting the child (especially about the head) you can do endless damage.

(b) By making him walk over and get the rod, two things follow :

(1) The parent has some time to reflect on what has happened allowing him or her a few seconds to decide the extent of the punishment and where to spank the child.

(2) It gives the time for the child to reflect on the crime, and at the hurt and trouble this has caused the loving parent.

(b) METHOD OF DISCIPLINE

Eph 6:4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. (NIV)

(1) When we discipline a child in the RIGHT WAY, it produced lasting and life‑changing results. When discipline is given wrongly, it provokes more disobedience.

(2) The TWO KEY ELEMENTS TO RIGHT DISCIPLINE are:

(i) DISCIPLINE " training" (KJV "nurture")

(ii) INSTRUCTION (KJV "admonition")

Training in the Bible is a combination of both these elements.

cf Are we training the child to obey the FIRST TIME WE SPEAK...of the fifth ? Are we conditioning his response ? A child who learns to obey the first time, is because THE PARENT IS THE KEY.

(3) Nowhere in the Bible, are parents told to yell at children.

It was prophesied of the Lord:

Matt 12:19 He will not quarrel or cry out; no one will hear his voice in the streets. (NIV)

(4) Most psychologists would agree that this generation is the most intelligent, yet the MOST IRRESPONSIBLE generation. A child must be taught RESPONSIBILITY FOR HIS ACTIONS, so that he does not disobey and think he can get away with it. LACK OF DISCIPLINE leads to irresponsibility.

(5) Today's generation represents the failures of the LAST GENERATION.

(6) The anti‑spanking philosophy is AGAINST SCRIPTURE and has produced many of our present troubles

Prov 10:13 Wisdom is found on the lips of the discerning, but a rod is for the back of him who lacks judgement. (NIV)

Prov 13:24 He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him. (NIV)

Prov 29:15 The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother. (NIV)

Heb 12:6 because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son." (NIV)

(c) FIVE MARKS OF TRUE DISCIPLINE

1.INSTRUCTION

Eph 6:4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. (NIV)

(a) The BALANCE of discipline and instruction are both vital to avoiding rebellion

Prov 22:6 Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. (NIV)

(b) This must include DIRECTIONS AS TO RIGHT AND WRONG, good and bad. Many parents do not teach their children what they expect of them, but this needs to be done so that they KNOW WHEN THEY ARE DISOBEYING and that they are receiving the discipline THEY DESERVE.

(c)DO NOT SAY " Don't ask why. Do it because I say so." We need to bring our children to the Bible so that they can see they are breaking GOD'S LAW as well as our own

2.REINFORCEMENT

(a) When dealing with smaller children, you will find it effective to remind the child of previous instructions and the disobedience penalty, so that the child is able to say to itself "I deserve the punishment I am getting.."

Deut 4:9 Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them. (NIV)

3. CORRECTION

(a) The ultimate goal of discipline is NOT PUNISHMENT, but CORRECTION OF WRONG ATTITUDES AND ACTIONS. Any discipline falling short of this, HAS NOT GONE FAR ENOUGH.

(b) Correct discipline teaches the child that he is RESPONSIBLE for his wrong actions, and lack of discipline will always result in IRRESPONSIBILITY on the child's part.

well. A child who learns he can disobey his parents and get away with it, will think that he can go against God and not be punished !

Prov 16:5 The LORD detests all the proud of heart. Be sure of this: They will not go unpunished. (NIV)

4.RESTITUTION

(a) It is always best to establish a means of restitution. A child must always be taught to right the wrong he has done, and the Bible admonishes him to do so

Eph 4:28 He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need. (NIV)

(b) The means of restitution should be reasonable and effective. Nothing can stop a potential liar or thief more than having to say "I lied to you" or "I stole this from you.."

5.REASSURANCE

(a) Never hesitate to express your love and concern for a disobedient child.

(b) Your expression of love reassures him that YOU ARE NOT REJECTING HIM BUT ONLY HIS ACTIONS.

(c) Never give the impression you are SORRY YOU DISCIPLINED HIM. As a father you must NEVER express regret to a child, even if you think his mother's discipline was unjust or uncalled for. ALWAYS REINFORCE THE OTHER PARENT'S DECISIONS.

(d) Remember:

THE KEY TO EFFECTIVE DISCIPLINE IS YOU, the parent, NOT JUST THE CHILD.

CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE

Keith Gerner

DISCIPLINE AND CHILD TRAINING

Proverbs 22:6

1.GOD’S FORMULA FOR A SUCCESSFUL FAMILY

God will keep His promise in Prov 22:6

2.GOOD TRAINING IN LOVE AND DISCIPLINE.

(a) TRAINING involves DISCIPLINE and INSTRUCTION. Eph 6:4

(b) Goal of DISCIPLINE is CORRECTION

3. ESSENTIAL ELEMENTS OF CHILD & PARENTAL RELATIONSHIPS

(I) Instruction (II) Influence (III) Image

4.DISCIPLINE.

(a) MEANS of discipline = ROD. Psalm 89:32

(b) METHOD of Discipline is with INSTRUCTION. Eph 6:4

(c) MARKS of discipline are:

1.INSTRUCTION

2.REINFORCEMENT.Deut 4:9

3.CORRECTION.prov 16:5

4.RESTITUTION. Eph. 4:28

5. REASSURANCE