CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE.
KEITH GERNER
AUDIO VISUAL MINISTRIES, P.O.BOX 1, NEWCASTLE. Co Down.NI.BT33
***
No 4. THE PLACE OF THE HUSBAND. Eph.5:25
Illus: Fight with the wife: I had her begging on her knees: She said: Come out from under the bed !”
1. GOD IS A GOD OF ORDER
(i) God has given guidelines in the Bible, so that we can move forward in our marriages, but when we ignore those guidelines, the Marriage partnership loses its power (as we have seen in our last Lesson in the case of Jacob)
(ii) When the CHURCH ignores God's guidelines, it is relegated to the place of a sophisticated club.
Illustration: Sign outside a hospital”Guard dogs operating here”
(iii) God has laid down guidelines along which FAMILY LIFE can move forward, and if these are ignored, the whole relationship is derailed.
(iv) The Devil knows this and is using tactics today to derail family life by:‑
(A) THE " WOMEN'S LIBERATION MOVEMENT".
They ask "Why should I submit to a husband ?" The Bible is clear. Wives must submit.
Col 3:18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. (NIV)
Col 3:18 You wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, for that is what the Lord has planned for you.(TLB)
Illustration: A Logic teacher:”Man standing in boat fishing, falls in and calls for help. Wife hears and runs to the bank. Why ?” Girl: “To draw out his savings ?”
(b) FALSE "FREEDOM".
Freedom is NOT found by breaking down the standards of God or by refusing to submit to husbands. True Freedom is found by submitting to the LORDSHIP of CHRIST
John 8:36 So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. (NIV)
Illustration: Husband finds meaning of term “spitting image” when tries to feed his son cereal!
2.MARRIAGE IS A MERGER.
(i) Husbands want to alter their wives and vice versa. God wants us to
accept our partners as they are and MAKE OUR OWN SPIRITUAL ADJUSTMENTS, WHICH WILL ALLOW EVERYTHING ELSE TO FALL INTO PLACE.
Luke 6:41 "And why quibble about the speck in someone else's eye-- his little fault-- when a board is in your own?
42 How can you think of saying to him, 'Brother, let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,' when you can't see past the board in yours? Hypocrite! First get rid of the board, and then perhaps you can see well enough to deal with his speck!
(TLB)
Matthew 7:1-6
1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.
2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
4 Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?
5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye.
6 Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.
(KJV)
Our Saviour is here directing us how to conduct ourselves in reference to the faults of others; and his expressions seem intended as a reproof to the scribes and Pharisees, who were very rigid and severe, very magisterial and supercilious, in condemning all about them, as those commonly are, that are proud and conceited in justifying themselves. We have here,
I. A caution against judging v. 1, ,
1. The prohibition; Judge not.
We must judge ourselves, and judge our own acts, but we must not judge our brother, not magisterially assume such an authority over others, as we allow not them over us: since our rule is, to be subject to one another. Be not many masters, <James 3:1>
. We must not sit in the judgment-seat, to make our word a law to every body. We must not judge our brother, that is, we must not speak evil of him, so it is explained, <James 4:11>. We must not despise him, nor set him at nought, <Rom. 14:10>. We must not judge rashly, nor pass such a judgment upon our brother as has no ground, but is only the product of our own jealousy and ill nature. We must not make the worst of people, nor infer such invidious things from their words and actions as they will not bear. We must not judge uncharitably, unmercifully, nor with a spirit of revenge, and a desire to do mischief. We must not judge of a man's state by a single act, nor of what he is in himself by what he is to us, because in our own cause we are apt to be partial. We must not judge the hearts of others, nor their intentions, for it is God's prerogative to try the heart, and we must not step into his throne; nor must we judge of their eternal state, nor call them hypocrites, reprobates, and castaways; that is stretching beyond our line; what have we to do, thus to judge another man's servant? Counsel him, and help him, but do not judge him.
II. Some cautions about reproving.
Because we must not judge others, which is a great sin, it does not therefore follow that we must not reprove others, which is a great duty, and may be a means of saving a soul from death; however, it will be a means of saving our souls from sharing in their guilt. Now observe here,
1. It is not every one who is fit to reprove.
Those who are themselves guilty of the same faults of which they accuse others, or of worse, bring shame upon themselves, and are not likely to do good to those whom they reprove, v. 3-5. Here is,
(1.) A just reproof to the censorious, who quarrel with their brother for small faults, while they allow themselves in great ones; who are quick-sighted to spy a mote in his eye, but are not sensible of a beam in their own; nay, and will be very officious to pull out the mote out of his eye, when they are as unfit to do it as if they were themselves quite blind. Note,
[2.] our own sins ought to appear greater to us than the same sins in others: that which charity teaches us to call but a splinter in our brother's eye, true repentance and godly sorrow will teach us to call a beam in our own; for the sins of others must be extenuated, but our own aggravated.
[3.] there are many that have beams in their own eyes, and yet do not consider it. They are under the guilt and dominion of very great sins, and yet are not aware of it, but justify themselves, as if they needed no repentance nor reformation; it is as strange that a man can be in such a sinful, miserable condition, and not be aware of it, as that a man should have a beam in him eye, and not consider it; but the god of this world so artfully blinds their minds, that notwithstanding, with great assurance, they say, We see.
[6.] the consideration of what is amiss in ourselves, though it ought not to keep us from administering friendly reproof, ought to keep us from magisterial censuring, and to make us very candid and charitable in judging others. "Therefore restore with the spirit of meekness, considering thyself <Gal. 6:1>; what thou has been, what thou art, and what thou wouldst be, if God should leave thee to thyself."
(2.) here is a good rule for reprovers, v. 5. Go in the right method, first cast the beam out of thine own eye. Our own badness is so far from excusing us in not reproving, that our being by it rendered unfit to reprove is an aggravation of our badness; I must not say, "I have a beam in my own eye, and therefore I will not help my brother with the mote out of his." A man's of fence will never be his de fence: but I must first reform myself, that I may thereby help to reform my brother, and may qualify myself to reprove him. Note, Those who blame others, ought to be blameless and harmless themselves. Those who are reprovers in the gate, reprovers by office, magistrates and ministers, are concerned to walk circumspectly, and to be very regular in their conversation: an elder must have a good report, <1 Tim. 3:2,7>. The snuffers of the sanctuary were to be of pure gold.
(ii) You invest money, when buying a new car. If the car is to run
trouble‑free, you need to change the oil, check the tyres etc.
MARRIAGE SIMILARLY REQUIRES CONSTANT ADJUSTMENTS TO RUN SMOOTHLY.
Illustration: Man visited Tax inspector, who said:” It is a privilege to live in this great country andyou should pay your taxes with a smile..”
“Thank goodness” replied man, “ I thought you were going to ask me for money !”
3. MARRIAGE IS INSTANT HEADSHIP BUT NOT INSTANT ONENESS
1 Pet 3:1 Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if
any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without
words by the behaviour of their wives, (NIV)
1 Pet 3:7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your
wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as
heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will
hinder your prayers. (NIV)
THE BIBLE HAS ADVICE FOR BOTH HUSBANDS AND WIVES TOGETHER, NOT SEPARATELY.
What does the Spirit suggest that they both be like ?
(A) CHRIST IS THE PATTERN FOR SERVANTS AND MASTERS.
1 Pet 2:18 Slaves, submit yourselves to your masters with all respect, not
only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who
are harsh. (NIV)
1 Pet 2:19 For it is commendable if a man bears up under the pain of unjust
suffering because he is conscious of God. (NIV)
1 Pet 2:20 But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing
wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you
endure it, this is commendable before God. (NIV)
1 Pet 2:21 To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving
you an example, that you should follow in his steps. (NIV)
1 Pet 2:23 When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when
he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to
him who judges justly. (NIV)
1 Pet 3:1 Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if
any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without
words by
the behaviour of their wives, (NIV)
(B) PETER APPLIES THESE TEACHINGS TO MARRIAGE.
(i) Just as servants are to submit, not only to good masters but also to
perverse masters, so WIVES MUST SUBMIT TO BAD HUSBANDS.
1 Pet 3:1 Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if
any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without
words by the behaviour of their wives, (NIV)
(ii) Just as Christ suffered and threatened not, so husbands are to dwell
with wives that are not kind and loving, but nagging and perverse.
OBJECTION RAISED
Col 3:18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. (NIV)
SOME WIVES USE THIS VERSE TO SHOW THEY NEED ONLY SUBMIT WHEN THE HUSBAND IS"IN THE LORD" OR A CHRISTIAN, BUT THE AMPLIFIED VERSION READS;.
"wives be subject to your husbands ‑‑ subordinate and adapt yourselves to
them, as IS RIGHT AND FITTING AND YOUR PROPER DUTY IN THE LORD."
The LIVING BIBLE translates:
"Wives submit yourselves to your husbands FOR THIS IS WHAT THE LORD HAS
PLANNED FOR YOU"
WHEN THE WIFE SUBMITS TO HER HUSBAND, SHE HAS DONE A SERVICE FOR THE LORD.
(iii) The Amplified Version reads "In like manner (as the slaves.1 Pet
2:18‑20) you married women, be submissive to your husbands ‑‑ subordinate
yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, so that even if they
do not obey the Word of God they may be won over, not by discussion but by the
(Godly) lives of their wives..."
REMEMBER THAT SUBMISSION BECOMES MEANINGLESS IF IT IS ATTEMPTED WITH A COLD HEART OR RESENTFUL SPIRIT.
(iv) 1 Peter 3:2 (Amplified) " When they observe the pure and modest way in
which you conduct yourselves, together with your reverence for your husbands
‑‑ that is, you are to feel for him all the reverence, including to respect,
defer to, revere him (revere means to honour and esteem him) appreciate
(prize) and (in the human sense) adore (ADORE means to admire and
prize, be devoted to, deeply love and enjoy) your husband."
cf.St Paul in his Epistle:
Eph 5:33
33 So again I say, a man must love his wife as a part of himself; and the wife must see to it that she deeply respects her husband-- obeying, praising, and honoring him.
(TLB)
4. THIS IS SEEN IN THE RELATIONSHIP OF ABRAHAM AND SARAH
(A) We all know Abraham as a MAN OF FAITH, BUT SARAH'S FAITH IS ALSO MENTIONED:
1 Pet 3:6 (Amp) "It was thus that Sara obeyed Abraham (following his guidance
and acknowledging his headship over her) calling him Lord ‑‑ Master, Leader ‑‑
and you are her true daughters if you do right and let nothing terrify you ‑‑
not giving way to hysterical fears or letting anxieties unnerve you."
(b) Some may say that it was easy for Sarah to submit to a man of faith like
Abraham, but Peter implies it would have been easier for her to give way to
her hysterical fears, rather than to obey, and the story in Scripture bears
this out.
(c) In Genesis 12:10‑20, on a journey from Haran to Caanan, they come into a
famine.
Abraham decides to go down to Egypt. He thought he might be killed
if the Egyptians discovered the beautiful Sarah was his wife, so he asked her
to say she was his sister. She did not argue or call him a coward, but submitted to him IN FAITH. What Abraham feared, happened and they took Sarah into Pharoah's hareem. Sarah could now CALL ON GOD'S PROTECTION SINCE SHE HAD OBEYED HER HUSBAND and the Lord DELIVERED HER.
If you only submit to your husband WHEN IT SUITS YOU, IT DOES NOT CALL FOR MUCH FAITH. It is also easy to submit to your husband when he is the epitome of manliness, but it REQUIRES FAITH to submit to your husband when you KNOW HE IS IN THE WRONG. She did not however, compound the problem by adding DISOBEDIENCE to Abraham's failure. She was NOT TRUSTING ABRAHAM, but TRUSTING GOD TO VINDICATE HER. The Lord put it into the heart of a Godless king to let her go free and unharmed.
SURELY HE CAN DO THIS ALSO IN YOUR MARRIAGE IF YOU OBEY HIM ?
ILLUS: Isobel Smith & husband: women’s Aglow and Lady mayoress.
5. Modern wives may give a FURTHER OBJECTION; "I have tried to submit to my husband, but it does not seem to work."
Some vital observations must be made at this point :
(i). GOD'S LAW STANDS FIRM. HE IS NEVER WRONG, NOR WILL HE CHANGE HIS MIND FOR YOU or in your particular situation.
This is part of God’s word to EVE:
Gen 3:16 Then God said to the woman, "You shall bear children in intense pain and suffering; yet even so, you shall welcome your husband's affections, and he shall be your master."(TLiving Bible
ILLUS: MARRIAGE IS NATURE’S WAY OF KEEPING PEOPLE FROM FIGHTING WITH STRANGERS)
(ii). EXAMINE YOUR SUBMISSION FOR AREAS OF MANIPULATION AND SELF‑ SACRIFICE IN A SPIRIT OF FALSE MARTYRDOM.
cf MARY allowed God to speak to Joseph when baby on the way
Matt 1:19Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not willing to make her a publick example, was minded to put her away privily.
20 But while he thought on these things, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared unto him in a dream, saying, Joseph, thou son of David, fear not to take unto thee Mary thy wife: for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Ghost. (KJV)
ILLUS; Psychiatrist: You are not a failure. Anyone who pays my account cannot be !
(iii). YOUR SUBMISSION MUST BE TOWARDS GOD IN PURE FAITH THAT HE WILL INTERVENE IN YOUR SITUATION. Submission is not just to your husband, but unto God, even if it means HE has to do the impossible.
cf ABIGAIL intervened with David, but God killed her husband
1 Sam 25:35 Then David accepted her gifts and told her to return home without fear, for he would not kill her husband.
36 When she arrived home she found that Nabal had thrown a big party. He was roaring drunk, so she didn't tell him anything about her meeting with David until the next morning.
37 By that time he was sober, and when his wife told him what had happened, he had a stroke and lay paralyzed for about ten days, then died, for the Lord killed him.(TLB)
(iv) WHEN AUTHORITY IS RELINQUISHED BY THE WIFE and not taken up by the husband, great care must be taken to TRUST GOD FOR THE CHILDREN AND STAND FIRMLY UPON YOUR CONVICTIONS.
(v) . REMEMBER WIVES, THAT YOUR GOAL IS TO SUBMIT TO AND ENJOY YOUR HUSBAND AND NOT TRY TO CHANGE HIM.
Submission without results, may be evidence that you have missed the spirit of submission and need to repeat the lesson !
ILLUS; 98 year old women smiling: Just broke a mirror ! That is 7 years bad luck !
Yes, I know !
6.DOES THIS MEAN THAT THE HUSBAND WILL GET AWAY WITH IRRESPONSIBLE BEHAVIOUR ?
1 Corinth 11:3 (Living Bible) " But there is one matter that I want to remind
you about, that the wife is responsible to her husband. He husband is
responsible to Christ and Christ is responsible to God."
(i) In God's Book, NOBODY "GETS AWAY" with anything !
When a woman submits to her husband, SHE SUBMITS TO GOD. When a woman tries to deal with her husband on her own, she interferes with God's dealings by her disobedience.
cf URIAH’S WIFE BATHSHEBA submitted to David, who was judged by God
2 Sam 11:26And when the wife of Uriah heard that Uriah her husband was dead, she mourned for her husband.
27 And when the mourning was past, David sent and fetched her to his house, and she became his wife, and bare him a son. But the thing that David had done displeased the LORD. (KJV)
2 Samuel chap 12 tells how Nathan dealt with David and their child died
(ii) God takes two opposites ‑‑ a man and a woman ‑‑ to make ONE PERSON.
One person only has ONE HEAD AND THE BIBLE STATES PLAINLY WHO IS TO FUNCTION AS THE HEAD.
(iii) As soon as the wife says "I will" on her wedding day, you have INSTANT HEADSHIP, but you need all your married years to GROW INTO ONENESS
(iv) GOD HAS A WAY OF BRINGING HIS RESPONSIBILITY TO THE NOTICE OF THE HUSBAND, BY STATING IT DIRECTLY IN HIS WORD..
Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and
gave himself for it; (KJV)
Eph 5:30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. (KJV)
Eph 5:33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even
as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. (KJV)
Col 3:18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the
Lord. (KJV)
Col 3:19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them. (KJV)
THERE ARE SERIOUS CONSEQUENCES FOR THE HUSBAND WHO DOES NOT EXERCISE THE AUTHORITY GOD HAS GIVEN HIM, IN THE RIGHT WAY.
cf ABIGAIL AND NABAL who died.
ILLUS: Pentecostal leader dies for not admitting guilt.
7. WHAT THE MARKS OF A YIELDED HUSBAND ?
(A) HIS AUTHORITY. He is never abusive
cf.PERSIAN EMPEROR GOT RID OF VASHTI
Esther 1:22 For he sent letters into all the king's provinces, into every province according to the writing thereof, and to every people after their language, that every man should bear rule in his own house, and that it should be published according to the language of every people.
(KJV)
Illus: CESSNOCK Pastor and wife
(B) HIS FIRMNESS. He is love in action.
prov 29:2 When the righteous are in authority, the people rejoice: but when the wicked beareth rule, the people mourn.
(KJV)
(C) HIS STRENGTH. He never violates the ones under his authority.
True authority of a father
Isa 22:20And it shall come to pass in that day, that I will call my servant Eliakim the son of Hilkiah: 21 And I will clothe him with thy robe, and strengthen him with thy girdle, and I will commit thy government into his hand: and he shall be a father to the inhabitants of Jerusalem, and to the house of Judah.
(D) HIS KINDNESS. He never takes advantage of another.
1 Pet 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge,
giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being
heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not
hindered. (KJV)
(Living Bible) You husbands must be careful of your wives, being thoughtful of
their needs and honouring them as the weaker sex.
(Phillips) Similarly you husbands should try to understand the wives you live
with, honouring them as physically weaker.
(E) HIS KNOWLEDGE OF HIS WIFE.
(i) The Husband show know what the Bible Marriage relationship really means.
(ii) He should know who the wife really is and what she needs. Most wives
operate on a small percentage of their capacity to love. They are shut up and
drawn into themselves, waiting for their husbands to bring about the liberty
they desired in their marriage.
(iii) Husbands should ASK GOD TO SHOW THEM THE NEEDS OF THEIR WIVES
Husbands are not to love their wives in order to change them. THIS IS NOT LOVE BUT MANIPULATION. The husband must love her BECAUSE GOD HAS GIVEN HER TO YOU.
Prov 18:22Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.
(KJV)
8 SOWING AND REAPING
(i) Husbands reap what they sow in a marriage. Neglect your wife and you reap
the fruit of your neglect. If you sow hardness, then you reap a harvest of
coldness and a loveless atmosphere.
(ii) Seeds have a way of producing CROPS OF A LIKE KIND. If you sow kindness
and understanding, then you wife will echo the words of the Shulamite maiden
Song 7:10 I belong to my lover, and his desire is for me. (NIV)
9.BENEFITS FOR HUSBANDS
1 Peter 3:7 (Amp) (Realising that you) are joint heirs of the grace (God's
unmerited favour) of life, in order that YOUR PRAYERS BE NOT HINDERED and cut
off, otherwise you cannot pray effectively.
(Living Bible) .."If you don't treat her as you should, then your prayers may
not get ready answers.."
(i) When a couple marry, then they discover GOD HAS A JOINT INHERITANCE FOR THEM. THIS CANNOT BE INHERITED BY ONE INDIVIDUAL ALONE.
(ii) When your UNION becomes COMMUNION, GOOD THINGS BEGIN TO HAPPEN IN YOUR LIVES, IN YOUR FAMILY, IN YOUR CHILDREN, IN YOUR FINANCES AND IN YOUR SEX LIFE.
(iii) Many husbands are pounding on the door of Heaven, but God is answering
back "LOVE YOUR WIFE."
CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE. Keith Gerner
No.4. THE PLACE OF THE HUSBAND. Eph 5:25
1. GOD A GOD OF ORDER
(I) He gives guidelines in Scripture for marriage
(ii) Church ignoring these, becomes merely a club
(iii) Family life is derailed where His guidance is not followed
(iv) Devil is seeking to derail family life, especially by using:
(a) WOMEN’S’ LIBERATION MOVEMENT.(b) FALSE FREEDOM. John 8:36
2. MARRIAGE IS A MERGER
(I) God wants us to accept our partners as they are ! Make own spiritual adjustments.
(ii) Marriage requires constant adjustments to run smoothly.
3. MARRIAGE IS INSTANT HEADSHIP NOT INSTANT UNITY.
1 Peter 3:1-7 suggests:
(a) CHRIST is pattern for servants and Masters, husbands and wives
(b) SAME PATTERN in marriage
(I) Wives SUBMIT to bad husbands. 1 Pet 3:1
(ii) Husbands must dwell with nagging wives
OBJECTION: Only submit to Christians men ? No ALL men
(iii) Submission not to be done with cold heart.
4. RELATIONSHIP OF SARAH AND ABRAHAM.
(a) SARAH had to have faith. 1 Pet 3:6 (b) Hard to obey Abraham
(c) Gen 12:10-20. Pretended to be sister and admitted to Harem
5. OBJECTIONS OF MODERN WIVES ANSWERED
(I) GOD’S LAW DOES NOT CHANGE
(II) EXAMINE YOUR SUBMISSION FOR AREAS OF MANIPULATION
(III) SUBMISSION TOWARDS GOD IN PURE FAITH
(IV) RELINQUISH AUTHORITY AND TRUST GOD
(V) SUBMIT TO HUSBAND RATHER THAN TRYING TO CHANGE HIM
6. WILL HUSBAND GET AWAY WITH IRRESPONSIBILITY ?
(I) NOBODY GETS AWAY WITH ANYTHING BEFORE GOD. 1 Cor 11:3
(ii) GOD uses two opposites to make ONE COMPLETE PERSON
(iii) MARRIAGE TAKES TIME to grow into true UNITY
(iv) God’s Word MAKES HUSBAND RESPONSIBLE to love. Eph 5:25
7. MARKS OF YIELDED HUSBAND :
(a) AUTHORITY. (b) FIRM (c) STRONG. (d) KIND (e) KNOWING
8. SOWING AND REAPING. Husbands reap what they sow
9. HUSBAND BENEFITS BY JOINT INHERITANCE AND UNION BECOMES COMMUNION