CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE. K Gerner. BA

CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE.

K Gerner. BA

Audio Visual Ministries. P.O. Box 1, NEWCASTLE, Co Down.BT33.N.I.

Lesson No.3. THE ACT OF MARRIAGE

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The Bible is the most up‑to‑date book in the world. It is NOT "full of some antiquated assumptions we should believe" as some would say. The Bible deals with the REAL issues of life. Believe the Bible. Practice it in your marriage. You will revitalise your experience.

1. DIRECTIONS TO MARRIED COUPLES ‑

3 MAJOR PRINCIPLES

REMEMBER THAT GOD HAS GIVEN HIS FULL BLESSINGS ON MARRIAGE.

1 Cor 7:2 But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. (NIV)

(a) FIRST PRINCIPLE

Both husband and wife must contribute to a FULL AND HONEST EXPRESSION OF

LOVE AND KINDNESS TO EACH OTHER.

1 Cor 7:3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and

likewise the wife to her husband. (NIV)

(b) SECOND PRINCIPLE.

Neither party has the right to SEXUALLY REJECT THEIR MATE.

1 Cor 7:4 The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her

husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him

alone but also to his wife. (NIV)

1 Cor 7:3-5.LIVING BIBLE

3 The man should give his wife all that is her right as a married woman, and the wife should do the same for her husband:4 for a girl who marries no longer has full right to her own body, for her husband then has his rights to it, too; and in the same way the husband no longer has full right to his own body, for it belongs also to his wife.5 So do not refuse these rights to each other. The only exception to this rule would be the agreement of both husband and wife to refrain from the rights of marriage for a limited time, so that they can give themselves more completely to prayer. Afterwards, they should come together again so that Satan won't be able to tempt them because of their lack of self-control.

(c) THIRD PRINCIPLE.

Sexual expression of love should be REGULAR AND CONSISTENT, as prolonged

abstinence leads to temptation.

1 Cor 7:5 Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time,

so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together

again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self‑control. (NIV)

2. MAJOR PROBLEMS

(A) DO NOT BE DECEIVED

Even your own heart can deceive you ..

Jer 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can

understand it? (NIV)

Great deception comes from the suggestion " I HAVE MARRIED THE WRONG

PERSON." This is a tragic misconception.

You must learn to trust God in ALL CIRCUMSTANCES of your life.

(i) We have an example in JACOB'S LIFE.

Jacob's choice was Rachel but God's was LEAH. At first Jacob loved Rachel

and hated Leah, but later he changed his attitude. (When he died, he was

buried with Leah and not Rachel. Gen.49:31‑33)

(ii) It was Leah (and not Rachel) who became the mother of JUDAH, who was

the progenitor of the line of Christ.

(B) ADMIT YOUR FAILURES

It is most difficult to admit your failures, though it is always easy to

point out the m mistakes and failures of your partner. Let us stop being

filled with self‑righteousness and self‑pity.

IT TAKES TWO TO TANGLE. If your marriage is failing, it is because BOTH partners are failing. BOTH need torecognise the wrong they are doing. If there are marriage problems, it mayalso well be that GOOD IS NOT IN CHARGE OF YOUR MARRIAGE. You must yield your "personal rights" to Jesus Christ as LORD of your home.

(C) REPENT AS YOU FACE YOUR FAILURES.

You must constantly rebuild where the Enemy would try to break down.

This means constant repentance, constant obedience to God's directions and

surrender to His Word

Luke 18:27 Jesus replied, "What is impossible with men is possible with God."

(NIV)

God has an ANSWER for EVERY PROBLEM YOU FACE

1 Cor 10:13 No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God

is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can

bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so

that you can stand up under it. (NIV)

3. THE HUSBAND MUST NOT RUN AWAY FROM HIS PROBLEMS.

Paul Tournier on Humankind Love

It is a lovely thing to have a husband and wife developing together and having the feeling of falling in love again. That is what marriage really means: helping one another to reach the full status of being persons, responsible and autonomous beings who do not run away from life.

The Meaning of Persons Harper & Row 57

Simpsons Contemporary Quotations Compiled by James B. Simpson. Copyright © 1988 by James B. Simpson. Licensed from Houghton Mifflin Company. Electronic version licensed from and portions copyright © 1994 by InfoSoft International, Inc. All rights reserved.

JACOB (THE DECEIVER) WAS RUNNING AWAY FROM HIS BROTHER AND GOD, BECAUSE HE COULD NOT FACE UP TO HIS PROBLEMS. He then got married and had twelve children. He BEGOT PROBLEMS IN HIS OWN HOME and became a weak and vacillating father.

Mary Jarrell

Humankind

Family Life Family Members

Jarrell was not so much a father ... as an affectionate encyclopedia.

On her husband, Randall Jarrell's Letters Houghton Mifflin 85

A MAN WHO LACKS LEADERSHIP AT HOME, IS A MAN WHO IS CONFUSED WHEN A CRISIS ARISES. Strife leads to confusion

James 3:16 For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find

disorder and every evil practice. (NIV)

(i) When Jacob's family grows and are blessed, they face CONFLICT IN THE

FAMILY CIRCLE.

There is trouble with the in‑laws (Laban's own family). Jacob

has to make a decision for the good of his own family. He is weak and

vacillating. God has to intervene and tell him what to do. "Leave Syria and

go to Palestine."

Gen 31:13 I am the God of Bethel, where you anointed a pillar and where you

made a vow to me. Now leave this land at once and go back to your

native land.'" (NIV)

He went to BETHEL (house of God) and waited until Laban was several days

journey away, before he slipped away in this new direction.

(ii) This unwillingness to face his own problem, caused CHAOS IN LABAN'S

FAMILY and in his own family.

(1) His wife tells lies.

Gen 31:30 Now you have gone off because you longed to

return to your father's house. But why did you steal my gods?" (NIV)

Gen 31:31 Jacob answered Laban, "I was afraid, because I thought you would

take your daughters away from me by force. (NIV)

Gen 31:32 But if you find anyone who has your gods, he shall not live. In the

presence of our relatives, see for yourself whether there is anything of yours

here with me; and if so, take it." Now Jacob did not know that Rachel had

stolen the gods. (NIV)

Gen 31:34 Now Rachel had taken the household gods and put them inside her

camel's saddle and was sitting on them. Laban searched through everything in

the tent but found nothing. (NIV)

Gen 31:35 Rachel said to her father, "Don't be angry, my lord, that I cannot

stand up in your presence; I'm having my period." So he searched but could not

find the household gods. (NIV)

(2) God has told him to go to Bethel, but his indecision is shown as he

settles in SHECHEM (10 miles away)

Shechem was wholly given to immorality and

idols. Genesis 33 tells us that he and his family settled there, while

Genesis 34 tells of the onslaught on Jacob's daughter DINAH

Gen 34:1 Now Dinah, the daughter Leah had borne to Jacob, went out to visit

the women of the land. (NIV)

Gen 34:2 When Shechem son of Hamor the Hivite, the ruler of that area, saw

her, he took her and violated her. (NIV)

Gen 34:3 His heart was drawn to Dinah daughter of Jacob, and he loved the girl

and spoke tenderly to her. (NIV)

Shechem wanted to marry her and Jacob did not know how to face the problem. He

allowed his children to marry these immoral and wicked people.

(3) Dinah's brother took advantage of their father's indecision. and under false pretenses, took the city and killed several people in the process.

Jacob was horrified by what his sons had done, pointing out that the Caananites might kill them all, but offering no leadership.

Gen 34:30 Then Jacob said to Simeon and Levi, "You have brought trouble on me

by making me a stench to the Caananites and Perizzites, the people

living in this land. We are few in number, and if they join forces

against me and attack me, I and my household will be destroyed."

Gen 34:31 But they replied, "Should he have treated our sister like a

prostitute?" (NIV)

(4) God again directed him to BETHEL and Jacob faced up to his

responsibilities and his sons had collected strange idols in their possessions

and homes

Gen 35:1 Then God said to Jacob, "Go up to Bethel and settle there, and build

an altar there to God, who appeared to you when you were fleeing from

your brother Esau." (NIV)

Gen 35:2 So Jacob said to his household and to all who were with him, "Get rid

of the foreign gods you have with you, and purify yourselves and

change your clothes. (NIV)

Gen 35:3 Then come, let us go up to Bethel, where I will build an altar to

God, who answered me in the day of my distress and who has been with

me wherever I have gone." (NIV)

Gen 35:4 So they gave Jacob all the foreign gods they had and the rings in

their ears, and Jacob buried them under the oak at Shechem. (NIV)

Gen 35:5 Then they set out, and the terror of God fell upon the towns all

around them so that no one pursued them. (NIV)

These ear‑rings and clothes represented Satan worship, as they lost out with God.

4. THE WIFE BECOMES VITAL IN THE FAMILY AS CREATING ATMOSPHERE

Kenneth Hutchin

Humankind Family Life Observers & Critics

The wife who always insists on the last word often has it.

On keeping husbands alive, NY Times 26 Feb 60

The atmosphere can be one of tension or co‑operation. What sort of

atmosphere do the children and husband come home to ?

The atmosphere is often the result of pressures which the wife has taken,

sometimes as a result of the husband not shouldering his responsibilities.

How can the wife relieve the pressures legitimately ? Answers include:

(a) Good housekeeping

(b) Right shopping

Prov 31:13 She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.14 She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. (NIV)

Prov 31:16 She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a

vineyard. :18 She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go

out at night. :21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them

are clothed in scarlet.:22 She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. :24 She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants

with sashes. :27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the

bread of idleness. (NIV)

Prov 31:31 Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her

praise at the city gate. (NIV)

(c) Spending time in prayer

1 Pet 3:7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your

wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as

heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will

hinder your prayers. (NIV)

(d) Right sexual relationships

1 Cor 7:5 Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time,

so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together

again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of

self‑control. (NIV)

5. WHAT IF THE HUSBAND IS NOT A CHRISTIAN ?

How can wife reached her unconverted husband ?

There is no easy answer to this question, but here are some guidelines:

(a) "WHAT IS GOD DOING IN MY LIFE TO REACH MY HUSBAND ? "

You may talk about being a Christian, "right with God, forgiven and

justified" BUT is THIS what your husband sees ? A Husband is either attracted

to the Saviour or repelled by YOU !

(b) "GOD WORKED FOR A LONG TIME IN MY LIFE, AND I MUST BE PATIENT WITH MY HUSBAND "

Your husband may resist your pleas for him to be saved, simply because he

does not want to be pressured into something he does not see or understand.

You must help him to do this

Matt 13:23 But the one who received the seed that fell on good soil is the man

who hears the word and understands it. He produces a crop, yielding

a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown." (NIV)

A true convert is one who hears the Word AND UNDERSTANDS IT. Therefore share

the truth WITHOUT NAGGING your husband into a quick response. REMEMBER that

the greatest impact of the Gospel will be the change he sees in YOUR LIFE>

2 Cor 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old

has gone, the new has come! (NIV)

The best way to win your husband is by the right attitude.

1 Pet 3:1 Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if

any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without

words by the behaviour of their wives, (NIV)

(c) WHAT IS THE SCRIPTURAL ATTITUDE FOR THE WIFE ?

(i) OBEY your husband (1 Peter 3:1 )

This does NOT mean that you share your husband's disobedience to God's Word.

(ii) MAINTAIN a MEEK and QUIET SPIRIT, not loudmouthed obstinacy.

1 Pet 3:4 Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty

of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's

sight. (NIV)

(iii) Speak words of WISDOM and KINDNESS

Prov 31:26 She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. (NIV)

LIVING BIBLE

Prov 31:26-29

26 When she speaks, her words are wise, and kindness is the rule for everything she says.

27 She watches carefully all that goes on throughout her household and is never lazy.

28 Her children stand and bless her; so does her husband. He praises her with these words:

29 "There are many fine women in the world, but you are the best of them all!"

NOTICE PRAISE EXPRESSED !

6. THE SOLUTION FOR MARRIAGE CONFLICTS

(a) BELIEVE THAT GOD HAS A SOLUTION FOR MARRIAGE CONFLICTS

We need to seek that solution and use it sincerely and properly.

(b) YOU WILL NEVER SOLVE THE PROBLEM UNTIL YOU FACE IT

(c) IT IS RARE FOR THE PROBLEM TO BE ENTIRELY THE FAULT OF THE OTHER PERSON.

UNDER YOUR OWN NAME list all the faults of which you are aware:

(i) How many conflicts has the other person caused and how many am I

causing (Writing down the problems helps you to visualise them)

(ii) BE REALISTIC by subtracting 10% from the 50% of the problems for

which you blame your partner

(iii) Do you really want to SOLVE your problems or just moan about them ?

(d) Points to ponder on FORGIVENESS.

(i) Remember that no psychiatrist has found answers to relationship problems,

other than answers given by GOD.

(ii) Recognise how YOU are contributing to the problem (You may not have

STARTED the problem, but your attitude and reaction is adding fuel to the

fire.)

(iii) You must take responsibility for the part YOU have played in the

wrong

(iv) You must ACKNOWLEDGE to the other person, YOUR OWN WRONG DOING.

You must ASK THEIR FORGIVENESS for the existing problem

(v) A SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY is vital to a marriage, and this will be

fostered by asking forgiveness ( This also tends to melt the bitterness in the

other person's heart)

(vi) LEAVE OUT THE BITTER DETAILS WHEN ASKING FORGIVENESS. (Do NOT say "Forgive my 20% of the wrong" etc.)

(vii) Do not just weep and cry for SYMPATHY, but be sincere.

(viii) The principle of FORGIVENESS is Divine and all of God's power

stands behind it when we use it properly. IT WILL ALWAYS WORK.

Luke 17:3 So watch yourselves. "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he

repents, forgive him:4 If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, `I repent,' forgive him." (NIV)

Mark 11:22 "Have faith in God," Jesus answered.:23 "I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, `Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him.:24 Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.:25 And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." (NIV)

CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE

.KEITH GERNER

THE ACT OF MARRIAGE

1.DIRECTIONS TO MARRIED COUPLES.

3 major principles:

(1) BOTH MUST CONTRIBUTE TO FULL & HONEST LOVE. 1 Cor 7:3

(2) NEITHER HAS RIGHT TO SEXUALLY REJECT MATE. 1 Cor 7:4

(3) SEXUAL LOVE SHOULD BE REGULAR AND CONSISTENT. 1 Cor. 7:5

2. MAJOR PROBLEMS

(a) DO NOT BE DECEIVED by “ I have married wrong person “ temptation.

Jacob chose Rachel but grew to love Leah. Gen 49:31-33

(b) ADMIT YOUR FAILURES

(c) REPENT AS YOU FACE YOUR FAILURES.

3. HUSBAND MUST NOT RUN FROM PROBLEMS.

JACOB DID NOT GIVE LEADERSHIP IN OWN HOME

(I) Jacob’s family grew and faced conflict for lack of decision.Gen 31:13

(ii) This caused chaos in own family and that of Laban.

(1) Wife told lies. Gen 31:30-35

(2) He settled 10 miles from where God told him to go.Gen 33-34

(3) Family revenged Dinah’s rape by murder. Gen 34:30-31

(4) God brought him to Bethel and cleansing. Gen 35:1-

4. WIFE CREATES ATMOSPHERE IN FAMILY.

(A) GOOD HOUSEKEEPING

(B) RIGHT SHOPPING. Proverbs 31:13-31

(C) TIME IN PRAYER. 1 Peter 3:7

(D) RIGHT SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS. 1 Corinth 7:5

5. HUSBAND NOT A CHRISTIAN ?

(a) WHAT IS GOD GOING IN MY LIFE TO REACH MY HUSBAND ?

(b) GOD WAS PATIENT WITH ME. I must be patient with my husband.

(c) THE SCRIPTURAL ATTITUDE OF THE WIFE IS :

(I) Obey your husband.1 Pet 3:1

(ii) Maintain a meek and quiet spirit. 1 Pet 3:4

(iii) Speak words of wisdom and kindness. Prov 31:26-29

6. SOLUTION TO MARRIAGE CONFLICTS ?

(a) BELIEVE GOD HAS AN ANSWER. 1 Corinth 10:13

(b) FACE UP TO PROBLEMS

(c) EXERCISE FORGIVENESS. Mark 11:22-24