CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE. K Gerner. BA
Lesson 2. FRIENDSHIP & COURTSHIP
AVM, P O BOX 1, NEWCASTLE Co Down.BT33 NORTHERN IRELAND
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Song 3:5 I charge you, O ye daughters of erusalem, by the roes, and by the
hinds of the field, that ye stir not up, nor awake my love, till he
please. (KJV)
A. LOVE
1. This is God's essential portion for a happy home. Without
LOVE, no amount of material prosperity, social prestige can ever make
marriage a blessed experience.
2. Since GOD IS THE SOURCE OF ALL LOVE, it is vital that we have a personal
relationship with Him through the work of Jesus Christ
John 1:12 But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the
sons of God, even to them that believe on his name: (KJV)
3. In the Greek language, there are 3 different words to express the
idea of love. These are :‑
(i) EROS = Human love
(ii) PHILEO = Love of a brother, brotherly love
(iii) AGAPE = Divine love.
A person can express "Human love" or "brotherly love" but only a Christian
can experience "Divine Love"
(a) AGAPE love is a FRUIT OF THE HOLY SPIRIT, as we see in
Gal 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long‑suffering,
gentleness, goodness, faith, (KJV)
Romans 5:5 And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad
in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us. (KJV)
1 Tim 1:5 Now the end of the commandment is charity out of a pure heart, and
of a good conscience, and of faith unfeigned: (KJV)
(b) This kind of love is different from all other kinds of love. It is
UNLIMITED LOVE, not restricted to the response of the other person. It
alone embraces our enemies, and is a love of all mankind.
IT IS THE LOVE OF GOD.
. DIRECTIONS FOR DATING COUPLES.
THE BIBLE CLEARLY SPELLS OUT GOD'S DIRECTIONS TO THE single dating
couple
1. The will of God is SANCTIFICATION to abstain from fornication
1 Thes 4:3 It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should
avoid sexual immorality; (NIV)
1 Thes 4:4 that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that
is holy and honourable, (NIV)
1 Thes 4:5 not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God
1 Thes 4:6 and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take
advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we
have already told you and warned you. (NIV)
1 Thes 4:7 For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.
(NIV)
LIVING BIBLE
1Thes 4:3-5
3 For God wants you to be holy and pure and to keep clear of all sexual sin so that each of you will marry in holiness and honor--
5 not in lustful passion as the heathen do, in their ignorance of God and his ways.
(TLB)
This passage condemns FORNICATION which is SEXUAL INVOLVEMENT OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE. Pre‑marital sex causes the couple to defraud each other. God clearly
says to avoid fornication. This is the WILL OF GOD.
SEX EDUCATION FOR CHILDREN: (Readers Digest.Aug.1993)
1.TEACH BY EXAMPLE. Parents role model for children
2.KEEP IT POSITIVE. Do not concentrate on AIDS or see parts of body as “dirty”
Sex is an expression of love and is FUN
3. START EDUCATION NATURALLY AND EARLY, between 3 and 5 !
Give facts in natural way and natural times, not BIG TALK !
4. RELAX. Stay open with kids and do not get “up tight” on subject
Dr William H Masters, codirector, Masters & Johnson Institute
The World Medicine Psychiatry & Psychology
Sex is a natural function. You can't make it happen, but you can teach people to let it happen.NY Times 29 Oct 84
Simpsons Contemporary Quotations Compiled by James B. Simpson. Copyright © 1988 by James B. Simpson. Licensed from Houghton Mifflin Company. Electronic version licensed from and portions copyright © 1994 by InfoSoft International, Inc. All rights reserved.
5. TAKE KID’S FEELINGS SERIOUSLY. Crush on teacher is normal !
6. BE OLD FASHIONED. Having illicit sex in home just as bad as outside !
Sexual expeimentation, attempted carelessly, can be hazardous to happiness and health later. Wait for right time and right person
2. A MAN WILL REAP WHAT HE SOWS
Gal 6:7 Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.
(NIV)
Gal 6:8 The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will
reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the
Spirit will reap eternal life. (NIV)
At first IMMORALITY does not appear ugly, but comes in as something of
beauty and desirability. The Devil clothes LUST as "natural desire".
. WHOEVER COMMIT ADULTERY, LACKS UNDERSTANDING
Prov 6:32 But a man who commits adultery lacks udgement; whoever does so
destroys himself. (NIV)
Prov 6:33 Blows and disgrace are his lot, and his shame will never be wiped
away; (NIV)
(A) IMMORALITY MARKS US AS THOSE WHO LACK UNDERSTANDING .
A MAN DESTROYS HIS OWN SOUL, LEAVES A WOUND AND BRINGS A STATE OF DISHONOUR BY THIS MEANS.
(B) Immorality leaves a reproach which shall not be wiped away.
It wrecks the hopes of a bright tomorrow for many young people. It is the most revolting of all sins, because it twists and distorts one of God's most precious gifts, that of human love.
(C) IMMORALITY DRAGS HUMAN LOVE DOWN TO THE LEVEL OF THE BRUTE BEAST.
It has its moments of pleasure and ecstasy, but leads to REMORSE, A FEVERED BRAIN AND FOR EVERY" kick" THERE IS " kick back ".
(D). FACTS ABOUT IMMORALITY
1.IMMORALITY MAKES US SLAVES TO PASSION AND SATAN
Eph 5:3 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or
of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for
God's holy people. (NIV)
1 Thes 4:3 It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should
avoid sexual immorality; (NIV)
(a) IMMORALITY OUTWARDLY is seen in shifty eyes and suggestive looks.
(b) IMMORALITY INWARDLY leads to guilt, feverish brain and a conscience that isolates
2.IMMORALITY MOCKS AND DECEIVES.
Titus 3:3 At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved
by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy,
being hated and hating one another. (NIV)
(A) SAMSON toyed with impurity that blighted and destroyed his life
(b) DAVID disobeyed in not going forth to battle and went into sin.
2 Sam 11:1 In the spring, at the time when kings go off to war, David sent
Joab out with the king's men and the whole Israelite army. They
destroyed the Ammonites and besieged Rabbah. But David remained in
erusalem. (NIV)
2 Sam 11:2 One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof
of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was
very beautiful, (NIV)
THE RESULTS are seen soon after
Psalms 32:3 When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all
day long. (NIV)
Psalms 55:4 My heart is in anguish within me; the terrors of death assail me.
(NIV)
Psalms 55:5 Fear and trembling have beset me; horror has overwhelmed me.
(NIV)
2. IMMORALITY MOCKS PARENTS AND YOUTH, WHEN ITS HARVEST IS GATHERED
Gal 6:7 Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.
(NIV)
Gal 6:8 The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will
reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the
Spirit will reap eternal life. (NIV)
(i) Avoid immoral fellowships
1 Cor 5:9 I have written you in my letter not to associate with sexually
immoral people‑‑ (NIV)
(ii) There is no place for this in the Kingdom
1 Cor 6:9 Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God?
Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor
adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders (NIV)
(iii) IMMORALITY MASTERS
Prov 6:24 keeping you from the immoral woman, from the smooth tongue of the
wayward wife. (NIV)
Prov 6:25 Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you
with her eyes, (NIV)
Prov 6:26 for the prostitute reduces you to a loaf of bread, and the
adulteress preys upon your very life. (NIV)
(a) THE ADULTERESS HAS CAST MANY DOWN, WOUNDED MANY. Strong men have been slain by her. Her house is on the way to hell. A woman can reduce a man to a piece of bread.
(b) TOUCHING CAN BE DONE IN SUCH A WAY AS TO BREAK DOWN RESISTANCE
Touching can be done in such a way as to awaken passion.
1 Cor 7:1 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a
man not to touch a woman. (KJV)
(c) A Fornicator sells his birthright
Heb 12:16 See that no one is sexually immoral, or is godless like Esau, who
for a single meal sold his inheritance rights as the oldest son.
(NIV)
WARNING TO YOUNG PEOPLE
1. WARNINGS TO YOUNG MEN
(a) Look at a woman in her eyes, not all over her body
Job 31:1 "I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl.
(NIV)
(b) Your eyes inflame your thoughts
Matt 5:28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has
already committed adultery with her in his heart. (NIV)
2. WARNINGS TO YOUNG WOMEN. BE CAREFUL HOW YOU DRESS
Prov 27:20 Death and Destruction are never satisfied, and neither are the eyes
of man. (NIV)
DO NOT GIVE MEN'S EYES TOO MUCH TO FEAST ON
3. WARNINGS TO ALL YOUNG PEOPLE
(i) God wants your body as living sacrifice
Romans 12:1 Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer
your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God‑‑ this
is your spiritual act of worship. (NIV)
(ii) God wants to control your body
1 Thes 4:3 It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should
avoid sexual immorality; (NIV)
1 Thes 4:4 that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that
is holy and honourable, (NIV)
1 Thes 4:5 not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God;
(NIV)
1 Thes 4:6 and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take
advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we
have already told you and warned you. (NIV)
1 Thes 4:7 For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.
(NIV)
(iii) The body is a Temple of the Holy Spirit
1 Cor 6:19 Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who
is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;
(NIV)
1 Cor 6:20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honour God with your body.
(NIV)
(iv) Many Christians remain single because they have been obedient to God's
command to avoid being "unequally yoked"
2 Cor 6:14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what
fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what
communion hath light with darkness? (KJV)
( v) God should be our first priority
Psalms 73:25 Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that
I desire beside thee. (KJV)
Psalms 73:26 My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my
heart, and my portion for ever. (KJV)
(vi) GOD CAN BECOME REAL TO THE UNMARRIED
He can be MY STRENGTH..MY HEART .. MY PORTION FOR EVER
Ps 73:26 My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart,
and my portion for ever. (KJV)
(vii) PUT THE KINGDOM OF GOD FIRST, EVEN IF IT MEANS YOU DO NOT MARRY
Matt 19:12 For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's
womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men:
and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the
kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him
receive it. (KJV)
LIVING BIBLE
Matt 19:12
12 Some are born without the ability to marry, and some are disabled by men, and some refuse to marry for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven. Let anyone who can, accept my statement."
(TLB)
CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE
KEITH GERNER
FRIENDSHIP AND COURTSHIP
Song of Solomon 3:5
(1) IMPORTANCE OF LOVE
1. Essential for happy home
2. God is source of Love. Receive Christ. John 1:12
3. Greek differing words: (1) EROS (ii) PHILEO (iii) AGAPE
(a) AGAPE is FRUIT OF THE HOLY SPIRIT. Gal 5:22
(b) Unlimited love of God
4. DIRECTIONS for DATING COUPLES
1.Abstain from fornication. 1 Thess 4:3-7
2.Pre marital sex not the will of God
(B) IMMORALITY DANGEROUS
1. Man reaps what he sows. Gal 6:7-8
2. Adultery shows lack of understanding. Prov 6:32-33
(a) Leads to wounds and dishonour
(b) Leaves a reproach which will not be wiped away
(c) Brings a person down to the level of an animal
(d) Consequences:
(I) Slavery to Satan and passion. Eph 5:3
(ii) Mocks and deceives. Titus 3:3
cf.(a) Samson
(b) David. 2 Sam 11:1-2. Results: Ps 55:4-5
(e) Harvest mocks Parents and Youth. Therefore:
(I) Avoid immoral fellowship.1 Cor 5:9
(ii) No place for it in Kingdom. 1 Cor 6:9
(iii) Immorality masters. Prov 6:24-26
(a) Adultery casts men down
(b) Touching can break down resistance.1 Cor 7:1
(c) Fornicator sells his birthright. Heb 12:16.
3. WARNINGS TO YOUNG PEOPLE
(a) MEN. Be careful of wandering eyes. Job 31:1
(b) WOMEN. Dress modestly. Prov 27:20
(c) GOD WANTS YOU.(I) Be a living sacrifice. Rom 12:1
(ii) Let the Spirit control. 1 Thess 4:3-7
(iii) Your body is a Temple. 1 Cor 6:19-20
(iv) Be single rather than unequally yoked.2 Cor 6:14
(v)
God should get priority. Psalm 73:25-16